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A mother has revealed how she felt ‘shamed’ by her partner who suggested that she should cover up while breastfeeding their son while eating out.
Taking to the British parenting forum Mumsnet the unnamed mother, asked if she was being unreasonable for feeding her child openly when her other half asked her to cover up.
She said that she always just wears a baggy top and lifts it up, and doesn’t use any extra covering, but her husband argued that they were in a ‘restaurant and ‘there were other people’ around.
The post divided opinion on the popular parenting site, with most siding with the mother and claiming that her partner is being ‘weird’ and needs to ‘grow up’.
However, some argued that they believe breastfeeding women should make more effort to be discreet when nursing in public.
And some questioned whether her partner was simply trying to protect her from unwanted stares, saying they have experienced leering while feeding their babies.
A mother has revealed she felt ‘shamed’ by her partner who advised her to ‘cover up’ while breastfeeding their son in a pub on holiday (stock image)
A mother has taken to Mumsnet to ask who was in the wrong after her husband urged her to cover up while breastfeeding their son in a pub garden
The mother said in her post that the incident occurred while on holiday with her four-month-old son.
‘Was in a pub garden having lunch and while waiting for our food I started to feed baby,’ she explained.
‘My partner said “cover him up” and I asked why. I never do. I don’t use a weird shawl thing, but I wear baggy tops and just lift them up.
‘His reasoning was we were in a “restaurant” and there were other people. I ignored him and carried on feeding the way I do, pointing out he’s a baby not a 10-year-old child so it shouldn’t be weird for people.
‘I don’t have my tits out on display while doing it and personally I think covering my baby draws more attention to what I was doing. Who was being unreasonable?’
The majority of posters agreed with the woman, and said she should feed wherever she likes – many said they have had to breastfeed at cathedrals, airports and on the train. They said her husband was ‘acting like an a***’
The mother was met with a flurry of support, with many saying they have fed their own children ‘all over the place’ and ‘don’t see the issue with it at all’.
One commenter said: ‘ Your partner is an ar**. Of course you can feed wherever you want. It’s sad that the voting is so split though – we have such poor breastfeeding rates in this country.’
Another said: ‘I wouldn’t think twice about it! I’ve fed my baby so many places – waiting outside restaurants, sat at the table, on the beach, sat on the floor at Heathrow by the check in desks, on the train.
‘It’s way more discrete than you think it is. I’ve had people come right up to me and not realise, they just think the baby is sleeping.’
One mother agreed saying: ‘I’ve breastfed everywhere from cathedrals, to supermarkets, to very posh restaurants. No one even notices, it looks like baby is sleeping.
‘Your husband should be more supportive. Normalisation of public feeding is the only way we can improve things.
‘Or is he suggesting you buy one of those giant napkins that make it really obvious feeding us taking place?’
However, some people disagreed and said it all depends on how much other people could see.
One said: ‘It depends what was on show. Your breast? Your tummy? And I don’t care if it’s natural blah blah
‘However if neither of those things were in my view then fine!!!
‘Personally I wouldn’t like that to be in my line of sight.’
The original poster replied to this saying: ‘Pretty much nothing except my babies’ head, the way I hold him my tummy and boob is covered by him and the one not being fed on is covered by my clothes still-we were in beer garden on high tables with lower benches so most of me was hidden by table anyway.
‘The other people there was a group of four, three women one man and only two of them were facing my way and we’re probably obscured from a good look by the other two of their party and my partner.’
Some people still think breastfeeding mothers should ‘cover up’ in public, and say they ‘don’t want to see that’. One person even took issue with the term ‘breastfeeding shamed’ dubbing it ‘ridiculous’
Another agreed saying: ‘Personally I don’t want to see it. Sure it’s natural but so are lots of other things I don’t particularly want to see. I realise this is an unpopular view.’
Another took umbrage with the location stating that in ‘a place like a restaurant’ breastfeeding mothers should cover up, saying ‘I don’t think he was that unreasonable. I would expect someone breastfeeding to cover up as much as possible somewhere like a restaurant.’
Another went all in saying: ‘Cover or move to somewhere private. No one wants to see that. Also ”breast feeding shamed” is an absolutely ridiculous thing to say!’
Some thought the husband was trying to be gallant and ‘protect her from perverts’, which started a whole new debate within the thread.
A few women think that her partner was trying to ‘protect her’ and shared their own experiences of breastfeeding in public, saying there ‘are lots of weirdos and pervs around’
A Mumsnet user said: ‘Of course you should feed your baby how you like, but I’m just thinking maybe (and I’m aware this is an unpopular opinion) that your husband is just thinking he would need to defend you of any weirdos decided to say something.
‘As much as we don’t like to think of it, most men still have it in their dna to protect their partner and he may not have wanted a potential awkward situation to spoil the day.’
One person compared it to the debate around men walking around shirtless saying: ‘Same way opinion is divided on whether men should walk about shirtless in public places.
‘Personally think it’s natural yes, but shouldn’t be on display for all to see.
‘So many weirdos gawking about with cameras these days anyway. Covering up doesn’t harm you or baby for the few mins.’
One woman, who said she had larger breasts, agreed that ‘perverts’ could be watching saying: ‘I have massive norks so there is a lot to see if I feed in public. So I always try to find a private space. There are too many pervs around, especially in certain parts of London.’
Some commenters agreed, but also wanted to take the partners view into account and shared their own stories of breastfeeding in public.
Another mother said she experienced the same: ‘I had this reaction a couple of times by my husband.
‘After feeding our two little boys for around two years each, he is now a huge supporter of breastfeeding however public.
‘Be gentle on him…he doesn’t understand and there hopefully will come a time when a slightly bigger little one who doesn’t want a cover over his head can clearly demonstrate that!’
A person questioned whether it just takes time for men to ‘catch up’ saying: ‘Is this just about breast feeding though?
‘From my own experience, and that of friends, the birth of a baby marks a quick transition to “baby comes first” for mums, whereas men seem to find the transition a bit slower and can be out of step in the first months with continuing to put social expectations/politeness to strangers ahead of immediate family needs.’
These posters where met with annoyance from other users saying that it was a way to ‘excuse men for being childish’.
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